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Work Jokes on Lipy - Page 5

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious Firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!

Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company And the Mortgage Company!

Boss: There are 50 bricks on an aeroplane. If you drop 1 outside. How many are left?

Employee: That's easy, 49.

Boss: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Employee: Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge.

Boss: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?

Employee: Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.

Boss: It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?

Employee: Because the deer is in the fridge.

Boss: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?

Employee: She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.

Boss: Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?

Employee: Ere.... I guess she drowned.... errr...

Boss: No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the aeroplane. Thats the problem, you are not focused on your job.... You may leave now!

Moral: No matter how much you know or how much you are prepared. If your Boss has decided to screw you then you are surely screwed.

Officer: What is your Name ?

Candidate: MP Sir.

Officer: Tell me properly.

Candidate: Mohan Pal Sir.

Officer: Your father's name ?

Candidate: MP sir

Officer: What does that mean ?

Candidate: Manmohan Pal sir.

Officer: Your native place.

Candidate: MP Sir.

Officer: Is it Madhya Pradesh ?

Candidate: No, Munnur Pal sir.

Officer: What is your qualification?

Candidate: MP Sir.

Officer: (Angrily) What is it ?

Candidate: Matric Pass.

Officer: Why do you need a job ?

Candidate: MP sir.

Officer: And what does that mean ?

Candidate: Money Problem sir.

Officer: Describe your personality.

Candidate: MP Sir.

Officer: Explain yourself clearly.

Candidate: Mind-blowing Personality Sir.

Officer: This discussion is nowhere, you may go now.

Candidate: MP Sir.

Officer: What is it now?

Candidate: My performance....?

Officer: MP !!!

Candidate: What is that sir..?

Officer: Mentally Punctured.

Candidate: MP Sir...(my pleasure)

Two Women chatting in office.

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Woman 2: It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep. How was yours ?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: How was your evening ?

Husband 2: Great... I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. What about you ?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!

Moral: Presentation does matter... No matter what the reality is.

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”

The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting.

Second, the man is drinking our Cola and

Third, our man is now totally refreshed.

Then these posters were pasted all over the place”

“That should have worked,” said the friend.

The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left…”

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