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Travel Jokes on Lipy - Page 2


Wife is busy packing her clothes.



Man: And where are you going?



Wife: I'm moving to my mother.



Husband also starts packing.



Wife: And where do you think your going?



Husband: I'm also moving to my mother.



Wife: And what about the kids?



Husband: Well if you are moving to your mother and I'm moving to my mother then I guess they must also move to their mother....


NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.



The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.

“A million dollars”, he answered, “because I wish to donate it to M.I.T.”



The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.

]He asked for two million dollars. “I wish to give a million to my family, he explained,

“and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”



The last applicant was our Indian politician.

When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”



“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.

The Indian Politician replied, $1 million is for you, I’ll keep $1

million,and we’ll give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars”



A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a Breathalyzer.

“I can’t do that, officer.”



“Why not?”



“Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.”



“Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.”



“Can’t do that either, officer.”



“Why not?”



“Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.”



“All right, we could get a blood sample.”



“Can’t do that either, officer.”



“Why not?”



“Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”



“Fine then, just walk on this white line.”



“Can’t do that either, officer.”



“Why not?”



“Because I’m drunk.” …



A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a chic gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which he was most at ease.



"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"



"Nothing is easier," he replied. "I ask him a simple question, which everyone should answer with no trouble at all. If he hesitates, that tells me just what I need to know."



"What sort of question?"



"Well, I might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"



The hostess thought for a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."


A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man's head.



Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance.



Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across his lips.



He tasted it, looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?"



She replied, "No, no, puppies."

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