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Technology Jokes on Lipy - Page 5


An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father." The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved Father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed" At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house. A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed."


A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.


I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits. Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

Operator: Hello Domino's!

Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?

Operator: Can I have your multi purpose Aadhar card number first, Sir?

Customer: Yeah! Hold on..... My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610

Operator: OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from you home number now.

Customer: (Astonished) How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator: We are connected to the system, Sir.

Customer: I wish to order your Seafood Pizza...

Operator: That's not a good idea Sir.

Customer: How come?

Operator: According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.

Customer: What?... What do you recommend then?

Operator: Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.

Customer: How do you know for sure?

Operator: You borrowed a book titled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, sir.

Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then.

Operator: That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.

Customer: Can I pay by credit card?

Operator: I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs. 1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.

Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.

Operator: You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've exhausted even your overdraft limit.

Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?

Operator: About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.

Customer: What?

Operator: According to the details in the system , you own a motorcycle registration number 1123.

Customer: "????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)

Operator: Is there anything else, sir?

Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?

Operator: We normally would sir, but based on your records, you're also diabetic... In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you.

Customer: (now pissed) ***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))

Operator: Better mind your language sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were imprisoned for 2 months and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman...?

Customer faints...


If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

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