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Stupid Jokes on Lipy - Page 5


A British guy walks into a bar in Central London and before he could order his drink, he notices a Sikh man wearing a turban.



Having a personal grudge against sardars, the British guy says loudly to the bartender to the advantage of everyone seated in the bar, "Drinks for everyone in here, except for the Sikh sardar over there."



The first round of drinks were served, and the Sikh guy gives him a smile, gestures to him saying, "Thank you!" in a loud voice.



The British guy is upset and again orders loudly to the bartender to serve another round of drinks to everyone except the Sardar.



The Sardar seems to be unruffled and he continues to smile, and yells back, "Thank you!"



The British guy is mad by now and asks the bartender, "What's wrong with this Sardar? I've insulted him by ordering drinks for everyone but him, and yet he smiles back and keeps thanking me. Has he lost his mind?"



"No, Sir," replies the bartender. "He is the owner of this place."


A young man asked a rich old man how he made his money.



The old guy said: Son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression I was down to my last nickel. I invested that in an apple and spent the entire day polishing it. At the end of the day, I sold the apple for 10 cents!



The next day, I invested those 10 cents in 2 apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents.



I continued this 4 a month. By the end of which I had accumulated a fortune of $.1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us 2 Million Dollars...!



MORAL: Hard Work Is Just Shit. Find A Chick Whose Father Is Rich.

How to Make a man happy:
1. Feed him.
2. Sleep with him.
3. Leave him with peace.
4. Don\'t check his phone (Msgs).
5. Don\'t bother him with his movements.
So whats so hard about that?

How to make a woman happy:
It\'s really not too difficult but.... To make a woman happy, a man only needsto be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef.
8. An electrician.
9. A plumber.
10. A mechanic.
11. A carpenter.
12. A decorator.
13. A stylist.
14. A sexologist.
15. A gynecologist.
16. A psychologist.
17. A pest exterminator.
18. A psychiatrist.
19. A healer.
20. A good listener.
21. An organizer.
22. A good father.
23. Very clean.
24. Sympathetic.
25. Sthletic.
26. Warm.
27. Attentive.
28. Gallant.
29. Intelligent.
30. Funny.
31. Creative.
32. Tender.
33. Strong.
34. Understanding.
35. Tolerant.
36. Pprudent.
37. Ambitious.
38. Capable.
39. Courageous.
40. Determined.
41. True.
42. Dependable.
43. Passionate.
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly.
45. Go shopping with her.
46. Be honest.
47. Be very rich.
48. Not stress her out.
49. Not look at other girls.
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention.
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself.
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes..
BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT
53. Never forget Birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine arrangements she makes.

Paddy & Jimmy were walking along a street in London. Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.

The sign read, \"Suits Pound 5.00 each, Shirts Pound 2.00 each, Trousers Pound 2.50 per pair\".

Paddy said to his pal, \"Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of these and when we get back to Scotland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think we are cheap Scotsmen and try to screw us. I\'ll put on my best London accent.\"

\"OK Paddy, I\'ll keep me mouth shut,\" said Jimmy.

They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, \"Hello my good man. I\'ll take 50 suits at Pound 5.00 each, 100 shirts at Pound 2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at Pound 2.50 each. I\'ll back up me truck ready to load them on, old chap!\"

The owner of the shop said quietly, \"You\'re from Scotland, aren\'t you?\"

\"Well yes,\" said a surprised Paddy. \"What gave it away?\"

The owner replied, \"This is a dry-cleaners........\"

Classic examples for students of different age groups:

1st to 3rd class: Hey! I studied everything for exam.

4th to 6th class: Hey! That question was very hard so I leave only that question.

7th to 10th class: Hey! Read only important questions.

11th class: I think 4 chapters are enough to get pass.

12th class: Kal exam kaun sa hai yaar?

And in college: Abey kaminon, bata toh dete aaj exam hai, main toh pen bhi nahi laya.

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