3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
The boys had been up in the attic together helping with some cleaning. The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked her, "Hey Mom, what's this?"
"Oh, that's an old typewriter," she answered, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.
"Well, what does it do?" they queried.
"I'll show you," she said and returned with a blank piece of paper. She rolled the paper into the typewriter and began striking the keys, leaving black letters of print on the page.
"WOW!" they exclaimed, "That's really cool. But how does it work like that? Where do you plug it in?"
"There is no plug," she answered. "It doesn't need a plug."
"Then where do you put the batteries?" they persisted.
"It doesn't need batteries either," she continued.
"Wow! This is so cool!" they exclaimed. "Someone should have invented this a long time ago!"
You are the reason God created the middle finger.
You are so stupid, when you heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, you went out.
It was their first quarrel. Mulla Nasruddin was coming off worst until he brought his bride's family into the argument.
"Your father is an old drunkard," he stated with venom. "Your mother is a nagger, and your brother is an idle layabout."
"Can't you say one decent thing about my family?" she asked, sarcastically.
"YES, JUST ONE," replied Nasruddin. "THEY WERE ALL OPPOSED TO OUR MARRIAGE."