A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her."
Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Scotland immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife, "Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."
A Nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights."
They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km/hour.
The BMW driver totally forgets about the Nano and guns it after the Porsche.
Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ: "Calling all stations: You won't believe this, I just saw a BMW & a Porsche racing past at about 190 km/h with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to Overtake.
*21st century father**
Dad entered son's room and found him asleep on his books, tired of exam studies....
Walked closer to him, played with his hair softly, sweetly and
slapped his face... and said
"Last seen on whatsapp 1 minute ago"
"I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job.
"My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed."
The husband rolled over on the couch. "You should be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a cent."
A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp. She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual. The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes:
- I want my husband to have eyes only for me.
- I want to be the only one in his life.
- I want him to sleep always by my side.
- I want that when he gets up in the morning I'm the first thing he grabs and takes me everywhere he goes.
The Genie turned her into a Smart Phone....!!!