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Santa Banta Jokes on Lipy


Santa walked into a bar one evening, sat down and said, "Bar man, give me 1 bottle of beer, and give everybody here 2 bottles. As I am drinking, let them be drinking."



The bar man obeyed. Everybody hailed Santa.



As they were all drinking, Santa said, "Bar man, give me 1 bowl of chicken soup, and give everybody here 2 bowls of chicken soup each, as I am eating, let them be eating."



The bar man obeyed. Everybody praised Santa.



Minutes later, Santa said, "Bar man, bring me my bill, and bring everybody their bill, as I am paying, let them be paying."


Santa: I am in big trouble!



Banta: What happened?



Santa: I saw a rat in my house!



Banta: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.



Santa: I don't have one.



Banta: Well then, buy one.



Santa: I can't afford one.



Banta: I can give you mine if you want.



Santa: That sounds good.



Banta: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the rat come to the trap.



Santa: I don't have any cheese.



Banta: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.



Santa: I don't have oil.



Banta: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.



Santa: I don't have bread.



Banta: Then what the hell is the rat doing in your house?


Pappu: Papa Aunty ka pet itna kyun foola hua hai ?



Santa: I know ki, tu sab Jan ta hai, badmaash.



Pappu: Nahin papa, I don't know.



Santa: Chal, Chal, jhooth mat bol.



Pappu: Trust me dad, pease batao na, please, please, please...



Santa: Wo, yaar... aunty ke pet mein paani bhara hua hai.



Pappu: Oh!... Achcha!!! Phir toh bachcha doob jayega...


A busload of American tourists were heading towards Punjab on G.T. Road when suddenly the driver slammed on the brakes. Lying on the road in front was Santa with his ear to the ground. Passengers trooped out of the bus and crowded around him.



"Hey, what are you doing down there pal?" asked one of the tourists.



Santa slowly raised his head and replied, "Green Matador 25 km away travelling at 80 km."



"Wow," exclaimed the tourist, "You can tell us that by listening to the road?"



"No," croaked Santa, "I fell off the damned thing."


Banta, an eager young man entered his prospective boss's office for an interview.



"One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness. I hope you wiped your shoe on the door mat while coming in?" said the boss.



"Yes sir," Banta replied promptly.



The boss continued, "One more thing we're very particular about is honesty. There is no door mat outside!"

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