An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood. The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.
A year later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets.
The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati's kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner.
The Arab replied, "Bapu... now I have Gujju blood in my veins!
A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass."
The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"
The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
How do you get an Iranian out of a bathtub? You turn on the water.
What do you do if a Polack throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back!