Two cowboys are riding along when they spot an indian lying on the ground in the distance.
The first cowboy turns to the second and says "what the hell do you think he is doing?".
The second cowboy turns to him and says "he is listening.
You see these here indian fellers put an ear to the ground so they know what is going on for miles around". "No way, you are lying!" responds the first cowboy.
So the two cowboys ride up and the second cowboy says "listen to what he says". The indian lifts his head, points north and says "Covered wagon, pulled with four horses, with a family of six inside and all of their belongings, 2 miles that way".
"WHAT! That's amazing!" shouts the first cowboy "How did you do that?!?". The indian lifts his head and says "sons-of-b*****s ran me over about 20 minutes ago!".
A British guy walks into a bar in Central London and before he could order his drink, he notices a Sikh man wearing a turban.
Having a personal grudge against sardars, the British guy says loudly to the bartender to the advantage of everyone seated in the bar, "Drinks for everyone in here, except for the Sikh sardar over there."
The first round of drinks were served, and the Sikh guy gives him a smile, gestures to him saying, "Thank you!" in a loud voice.
The British guy is upset and again orders loudly to the bartender to serve another round of drinks to everyone except the Sardar.
The Sardar seems to be unruffled and he continues to smile, and yells back, "Thank you!"
The British guy is mad by now and asks the bartender, "What's wrong with this Sardar? I've insulted him by ordering drinks for everyone but him, and yet he smiles back and keeps thanking me. Has he lost his mind?"
"No, Sir," replies the bartender. "He is the owner of this place."
Paddy & Jimmy were walking along a street in London. Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, \"Suits Pound 5.00 each, Shirts Pound 2.00 each, Trousers Pound 2.50 per pair\".
Paddy said to his pal, \"Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of these and when we get back to Scotland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think we are cheap Scotsmen and try to screw us. I\'ll put on my best London accent.\"
\"OK Paddy, I\'ll keep me mouth shut,\" said Jimmy.
They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, \"Hello my good man. I\'ll take 50 suits at Pound 5.00 each, 100 shirts at Pound 2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at Pound 2.50 each. I\'ll back up me truck ready to load them on, old chap!\"
The owner of the shop said quietly, \"You\'re from Scotland, aren\'t you?\"
\"Well yes,\" said a surprised Paddy. \"What gave it away?\"
The owner replied, \"This is a dry-cleaners........\"
An Arab, Frenchman, American and a Mexican are riding down the highway. The Arab picks up an AK-47. He shoots a couple of rounds and then throws the gun out the window. The American asks him why he through the gun out the window and the Arab says they have so many of those where he is from he doesn't care about what happens to them.
The Frenchman picks up a bottle of wine and drinks a little and throws it out the window. The American asks him why he tossed it. The Frenchman says they have so much of it where he is from he doesn't care what happens to it.
The American picks up the Mexican and throws him out the window.
A Chinese decides to retire and move to USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land. A few days after moving in. The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese leading a bull down the drive-way, ...pause...., and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese and says, "Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinaman is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no ... Chinese customs I doing, these American Customs."
"What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese, "He say to become true American, I must learn to .... chase chicks, .... get piss drunk, and ....listen to bull-shit."