Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?