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PJ's Jokes on Lipy - Page 5

A teenager, who had just received her learner's licence for driving, offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination.

"Thank you!" said the mother as she got out of the car and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Anytime," her daughter replied.

As the mother closed the door she said, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God."

Bill wasn't a very good golfer, but he sure dressed like one. He had a wicked slice that prevented him from ever reaching the green in two strokes, but on the day of the company golf tournament, no one could deny that he looked pretty sharp on the tee. That day, as usual, Bill sent his first drive deep into the woods.

"You'll never hit it out of there," his friends insisted.

"As God is my witness, I'm gonna make the green in two if it kills me," Bill replied.

With that, he smacked the ball as hard as he could. It hit the tree in front of him and came straight back, and hit him right between the eyes and he died.

When Bill appeared at the pearly gates, St. Peter looked at him and said, "Well, I can see by your outfit that you're a golfer! Are you any good?"

Bill replied, "I got here in two, didn't I?"

Banta, an eager young man entered his prospective boss's office for an interview.

"One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness. I hope you wiped your shoe on the door mat while coming in?" said the boss.

"Yes sir," Banta replied promptly.

The boss continued, "One more thing we're very particular about is honesty. There is no door mat outside!"

Girl : Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me.

I am in India and he lives in UK.

We met on a dating website, became friends on facebook, had long chats on whatsapp,

proposed to each other on skype, And now we've had 2 months of relationship through viber.

I need your blessing and good wishes daddy...

Dad said: Wow! Really!! Then get married on twitter, have fun online.

Buy ur kids on e-bay, send them through gmail and if you are fed up with your husband...

Sell him on OLX.... !!

Wedding speech from modern girl to her in laws:

My dear new family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new house...

Firstly I must tell you that my presence here should not change your life routines...

Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it... Those cooking must keep cooking... Those cleaning must keep cleaning... I'll not disturb anybody's routine...

So far as I'm concerned, I'm here only to:

Eat BUN,

Have FUN and

Entertain your SON!!!

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