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PJ's Jokes on Lipy - Page 4


A busload of American tourists were heading towards Punjab on G.T. Road when suddenly the driver slammed on the brakes. Lying on the road in front was Santa with his ear to the ground. Passengers trooped out of the bus and crowded around him.



"Hey, what are you doing down there pal?" asked one of the tourists.



Santa slowly raised his head and replied, "Green Matador 25 km away travelling at 80 km."



"Wow," exclaimed the tourist, "You can tell us that by listening to the road?"



"No," croaked Santa, "I fell off the damned thing."


Mulla Nasruddin was applying for a job.



"Does the company pay for my hospitalization?" he asked.



"No, you pay for it," the personnel director said. "We take it out of your salary each month."



"The last place I worked, they paid for it," said the Mulla.



"That's unusual," the personnel man said. "How much vacation did you get?"



"Six weeks," replied the Mulla.



"Did you get a bonus?" the personnel man asked.



"Yes," said the Mulla. "Not only that, they gave us an annual bonus, sent us a turkey on Thanksgiving, gave us the use of a company car and threw a big barbecue for us each year."



"Why did you leave?" asked the personnel director.



"They went busted," said Nasruddin.


A peculiarly scary thing was happening in a hospital's ICU. Every Sunday, with unfailing regularity, patients on bed number 5 died at 11 AM.



This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. To investigate the cause of such bizarre incidents, the doctors and nurses decide to keep strict vigilance.



A few minutes before 11 AM, the part time Sunday sweeper arrived. Whistling cheerfully, he unplugged the life support system of bed nnumber 5 and put the plug of his vacuum cleaner in it place!


The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"



The student replied, "Here's an orange."



The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"



The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"


The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, "I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?"



One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful."



"I see. And what did you use to break the bars?" The warden asked.



Replied the spokesman, "French Toast..."

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