The boys had been up in the attic together helping with some cleaning. The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked her, "Hey Mom, what's this?"
"Oh, that's an old typewriter," she answered, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.
"Well, what does it do?" they queried.
"I'll show you," she said and returned with a blank piece of paper. She rolled the paper into the typewriter and began striking the keys, leaving black letters of print on the page.
"WOW!" they exclaimed, "That's really cool. But how does it work like that? Where do you plug it in?"
"There is no plug," she answered. "It doesn't need a plug."
"Then where do you put the batteries?" they persisted.
"It doesn't need batteries either," she continued.
"Wow! This is so cool!" they exclaimed. "Someone should have invented this a long time ago!"
I heard that you were a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of shock.
Two cowboys are riding along when they spot an indian lying on the ground in the distance.
The first cowboy turns to the second and says "what the hell do you think he is doing?".
The second cowboy turns to him and says "he is listening.
You see these here indian fellers put an ear to the ground so they know what is going on for miles around". "No way, you are lying!" responds the first cowboy.
So the two cowboys ride up and the second cowboy says "listen to what he says". The indian lifts his head, points north and says "Covered wagon, pulled with four horses, with a family of six inside and all of their belongings, 2 miles that way".
"WHAT! That's amazing!" shouts the first cowboy "How did you do that?!?". The indian lifts his head and says "sons-of-b*****s ran me over about 20 minutes ago!".
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend.
Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken, which he could purchase for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it has been broken in transit.
In due time, he received an acknowledgement:
"Thanks for the vase," it read. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."