A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.
A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
A milkman, who is dying in the hospital, is surrounded by his two sons, daughter, his wife and a nurse.
- To you, Peter, I leave the Beverly houses.
- To you, my dear daughter, I leave the apartments in the Los Angeles Plaza.
- To you, Charlie, being my youngest son with a large future, I leave the City Center offices.
- And you, my dear wife, the three residential buildings towers in downtown.
The nurse, impressed, tells his wife, "Madam, your husband is very rich. He is bequeathing many properties! You all are so lucky!!!"
And the wife retorts, "Rich??? Lucky??? Are you kidding me!!!?? He is a Milkman!!! Those are his routes where he delivers milk !!!!"
She would say in a patronizing voice, "And how are we doing this morning?" or "Are we ready for a bath?"
The man had just had enough! So, one morning at breakfast, he took the apple juice off the tray and put it on his bedside stand. Later that morning, he was given a urine bottle to fill for testing. So, you know where the apple juice went! The same nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.
"My," she said, "it seems we are a little cloudy today!"
At this, the old man snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again! Maybe I can filter it better this time. What do you think?" The nurse fainted!