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Nurse Jokes on Lipy - Page 2


A new nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"

The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"

The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."


Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.

" She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor. "She does everything absolutely backwards.

Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours.

She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing.

Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours.

She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.

" Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"


A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarfs and wearing large polished stoned jewlery.



"I am 'Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.



The nurses quickly aurgued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.

The floor nurse went next."I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me coccoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.



"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.



The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."



  • Pays better then fast food, though the hours aren't as good.


  • Fashionable shoes and sexy white uniforms.


  • Needles: "Tis better to give then receive"


  • Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops...eventually.


  • Expose yourself to rare, exciting and new diseases.


  • Interesting aromas.


  • Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.


  • Do enough charting to navigate around the world.


  • Celebrate all the holidays with your friends- at work.


  • Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.

Internet Surgery


Nurse, get on the internet go to Surgery.com scroll down and click on the "ARE YOU TOTALLY LOST ICON"

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