An American tourist in London decides to explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms.
However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, "Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
" I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the bobby, "just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the bobby, "anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby "That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "
"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected."
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours will kill you and take your cows.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. the government takes both and drafts you.
CHINESE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You are made to take care of them, the government takes all the milk
If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?