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Jack's grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him.
After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names!
Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her.
"Diane," he said, "the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million dollars when he died."
"Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "I don't care who gave you the money!"
When the rich man's will was read, his wife was very upset: he left everything to the young woman who lived next door to them and nothing to her!
She drove immediately to the cemetery to cancel her order for his headstone.
The stonecarver said, "You're too late. I already carved it just like you told me: 'Rest In Peace.'"
The woman thought a moment and then replied, "Okay, then, I'll pay you a little more to add, 'Till we meet again!'"
Guy: My love how are you doing?
Girl: Am fine.
Guy: Will you be free during the weekend, you come to my house?
Girl: Am sorry, I can't make it because I will be attending my aunt's wedding and the next day I'l be busy, I'm so occupied.
Guy: Oh! Ok, was just planning to take you out for shopping, surprise you with an iPhone5, then buy you a new dress and the brazzilian hair you've been asking for...
Girl: I will be coming and I may even spend the whole weekend there if you want my love.
Guy: What about the wedding?
Girl: Which wedding, I was joking...
Guy: Me too...
A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her. She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but she's from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?" He answers, "Monica Lewinsky." There is a pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?"