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Military Jokes on Lipy

The soldier asked for a furlough, so that he might get married.

"How long have you known the Girl?" His superior asked.

"A Week."

"Why, my lad, that is hardly long enough. I suggest that you wait a couple of months, and then, if you still want to get married, I shall grant you a furlough."

In two months the soldier was back, reminding his superior of his promise.

"So you still want to get married? My, My ! I did not suppose that a young man would stay interested in the same girl for such a long time nowadays."

"I know, sir. But it is not the same girl, sir."

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landing you make equal to the number of take-offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, "I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?"

One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful."

"I see. And what did you use to break the bars?" The warden asked.

Replied the spokesman, "French Toast..."

Subedaar Deedar singh from the armoured corps had one desire that he has a stable of boys who would all join his regiment and get that honour for him and the family just like he had done.

So when the first born arrived, he didn't heed to his mother asking him to conduct the naamkarn ceremony and announced his child to be christened "Leftaan Singh" (Lieutenant Singh)... after all, he was the first in the heirarchy!

When the next son came, he coughed and announced "Kaptaan (Captain) Singh."

Thus began the saga of ritual home grown promotions, till he had Major Singh, Karnail (Colonel) Singh, Bargader (Brigadier) Singh and finally Jarnail (General) Singh.

Sache Patshaah, in his benevolence had been magnanimous and he could rest now, but then arrived a beautiful baby girl. Subedaar sahab was stumped and paced up and down to figure out an appropriate name. His wife, seeing his frustration, called out, "Gal suno, biba da nau ARMAD KAUR na rakhh daiye???"

A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook!!

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