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Marriage Jokes on Lipy - Page 5

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, \"Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I\'m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.\"

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.\"

On the New Year eve I was sitting with my wife on the deck, enjoying a glass of wine.

I said, \"I love you so much, I could not live without you.\"

My wife said, \"Is that you or the wine talking?\"

I said, \"It\'s me talking to the wine.\"

1. Subaah subaah garam paani milega..... Bartan dhone ke liye.

2. Pyaare pyaare bachche milenge..... Aapko gadha Banaane ke liye.

3. Har roz biwi aapse pyar se bolegi..... Ration laane ke liye.

4. Biwi aapke baahon me baahein daalegi..... Kharcha paani ke liye.

5. Aap gaana gaana shuru kar doge..... Bachchon ko sulaane ke liye.

6. Wo roz taiyaar hokar saamne aayegi..... Shopping jaane ke liye.

7. Aapko bhi whiskey ka mazaa ayegaa..... Kuch der gum bhulaane ke liye.

NO LIFE WITHOUT WIFE

Wife: I love you baby...!
Husband: (softly) I love you too..!!
Wife: Aise kyun bola...! ??
Husband: Bas thoda mood off tha...!!
Wife: Doston ke saath toh bade khush rehte ho, aur mere saath hidrame karte ho...!
Husband: (pyar se) Aisa kuch nahi jaanu, tabiyat thodi theek nahi hai...!!
Wife: Haan abhi dost phone karega toh 2 sec mein tabiyat theek ho jayegi..!
Husband: Dost kahan se aa gaye, mera mood thoda upset hai bas...!! Wife: Mere saath hi yeh sab hota hai, friends ke saath enjoy karte ho, badi has has ke pictures click karwate ho. Ya koi aur ladki pasand aa gayi hai...! ??
Husband: (aur jyada pyar se) arrey, kahan se kahan baat le jaa rahi ho...!! ?
Wife: Aaj sab clear hoga...! Husband: Kya clear karna hai jaanu, aisa kya ho gaya...!!??
Wife: (khud confused) Jab tum khud clear nahi, tumhe kuch pata nahi toh mein kya bolun...!
Husband: (trying to act smart) Tumhe hua kya hai!! kis baat pe upset ho?? Batao...!!
Wife: Tumhari sangat hi kharab hai...!
Husband: Mere saath toh tum ho...!!
Wife: Ab bohot ho gaya, ab aur nahi...!
Husband: (fully crashed) Hua kya hai, yeh toh bata do...!!
Wife: Hum ab saath nahi reh sakte...! Husband: Ye baat kahan se aayi...!!
Wife: i want Divorce...!
Husband: Hmmmm ok...!!
Wife: (gone crazy) Haan, yehi chahte ho tum toh, fir tum jo marzi kar sako...!
Husband: Arrey tumne khudne bola abhi, maine kya galat kaha...!!
Wife: Itni problem thi toh bola kyun nahi, mein khud
bina bole chali jaati tumhari life se...!
Husband: (apne baal pakad kar) Mujhe meri galti toh bata do...!!
Wife: Waqt aane pe pata chalegi tumhe apne aap, jab mein chali jaungi...!
Husband: Acha, toh mein wait karta hoon sahi waqt ka...!!
Wife: Tum serious kab hoge...! ??
Husband: Ab kya hospital mein admit ho jaun serious hone ke liye...!!?
Wife: Go to hell...!
Husband: Don't call me again...!!
AFTER 3 HOURS..
Wife: Tumhe pata hai na mein tumhare bina nahi reh sakti jaanu,sorry i love you my baby...!
Husband: (Sab bhool kar) Acha, i love you tooo...

A husband takes the wife to a night club. There's aguy on the dance floor giving it big time. Break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works!

The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down!"

The husband says, "Looks to me like he's still celebrating!!!"

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