The Fifa World Cup is close by. Let me give you a few rules that will preserve your beauty.
1. The remote control belongs to me for the whole month.
2. Tell all your friends not to givev birth or wed or die or wateva during the World Cup coz we won't go.
3. No talking during the game, wait for half-time or end of the game.
4. Repeats & highlights are as good as the main match, so am gonna watch them too.
5. We can watch STAR PLUS provided actors and actresses are wearing soccer jerseys and they are in Brazil.
6. You don't just pass infront of the TV if am watching soccer, you better crawl on the floor.
7. Make sure you don't ask silly questions such as; is this Chelsea versus England?
8. No funny faces to my friends when they come for soccer.
9. There shall be no comments about Cristiano Ronaldo's looks. Professinalism shall remain an absolute part of the WC.
10. If you miss the line up please dont ask, 'Who's that guy?'
11. Ronaldo the Brazilian and Ronaldo the Portuguese are not related, India and Pakistan did not qualify, so please no stupid questions.
The untold rules for Men:
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
After 15 years of marriage the wife asked her husband to describe her.
The husband looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said, "ABCDEFGHIJK."
"What does that mean?" She asked.
"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot!!!" he replied.
Wife Smiling asked, "So sweet of you honey. What about IJK?"
He replied, "I'm Just Kidding!
The female brain works on a different tangent than male.
Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about life. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
I told her, "Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state, I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive. I'd much rather die!"
My wife got up from the sofa with a real look of admiration towards me & proceeded to disconnect the Cable TV & DVD, then the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, gin & vodka and the beer from the fridge...
It was their first quarrel. Mulla Nasruddin was coming off worst until he brought his bride's family into the argument.
"Your father is an old drunkard," he stated with venom. "Your mother is a nagger, and your brother is an idle layabout."
"Can't you say one decent thing about my family?" she asked, sarcastically.
"YES, JUST ONE," replied Nasruddin. "THEY WERE ALL OPPOSED TO OUR MARRIAGE."