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Man Vs Women Jokes on Lipy - Page 5

How to Make a man happy:
1. Feed him.
2. Sleep with him.
3. Leave him with peace.
4. Don\'t check his phone (Msgs).
5. Don\'t bother him with his movements.
So whats so hard about that?

How to make a woman happy:
It\'s really not too difficult but.... To make a woman happy, a man only needsto be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef.
8. An electrician.
9. A plumber.
10. A mechanic.
11. A carpenter.
12. A decorator.
13. A stylist.
14. A sexologist.
15. A gynecologist.
16. A psychologist.
17. A pest exterminator.
18. A psychiatrist.
19. A healer.
20. A good listener.
21. An organizer.
22. A good father.
23. Very clean.
24. Sympathetic.
25. Sthletic.
26. Warm.
27. Attentive.
28. Gallant.
29. Intelligent.
30. Funny.
31. Creative.
32. Tender.
33. Strong.
34. Understanding.
35. Tolerant.
36. Pprudent.
37. Ambitious.
38. Capable.
39. Courageous.
40. Determined.
41. True.
42. Dependable.
43. Passionate.
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly.
45. Go shopping with her.
46. Be honest.
47. Be very rich.
48. Not stress her out.
49. Not look at other girls.
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention.
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself.
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes..
BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT
53. Never forget Birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine arrangements she makes.

On the New Year eve I was sitting with my wife on the deck, enjoying a glass of wine.

I said, \"I love you so much, I could not live without you.\"

My wife said, \"Is that you or the wine talking?\"

I said, \"It\'s me talking to the wine.\"

1. Subaah subaah garam paani milega..... Bartan dhone ke liye.

2. Pyaare pyaare bachche milenge..... Aapko gadha Banaane ke liye.

3. Har roz biwi aapse pyar se bolegi..... Ration laane ke liye.

4. Biwi aapke baahon me baahein daalegi..... Kharcha paani ke liye.

5. Aap gaana gaana shuru kar doge..... Bachchon ko sulaane ke liye.

6. Wo roz taiyaar hokar saamne aayegi..... Shopping jaane ke liye.

7. Aapko bhi whiskey ka mazaa ayegaa..... Kuch der gum bhulaane ke liye.

NO LIFE WITHOUT WIFE

But Fred died recently. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend, Jody, and says, "Well, I'm sure Fred would be pleased."

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"

"All of it?" said Helen. "Thirty thousand."

"Really?" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Helen answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Jody says, "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My goodness, how big is it ?!"

"Two and a half carats."

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

(If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time).

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