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Lawyer Jokes on Lipy - Page 5


A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.



Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"



Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"



Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A"



Professor: "Hmmmm, all right. So what's the question?"



Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"



The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.



The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"



To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.



"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer.



"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."


A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will:



"To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million."



The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million."



The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will - well you are wrong. Hi Dan!"


Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.



"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."



Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.



"You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000."



The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check.



He handed it to Leon, "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits."


A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died.



When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven. St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them.



Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.



He says, "I'm still working on it."



Two years pass by and no marriage. St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it. Finally after twenty long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding.



The couple marry and live happily for a while. But after a few months the couple go and find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce.



"Can you arrange it for us?" they ask.



St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?"


A redneck, a preacher, and a lawyer are traveling in a car when it breaks down in front of a farm. They ask the farmer if they could spend the night.



The farmer said, "Sure, but my guest room only has room for two. One of you will have to sleep in the barn."



The preacher says, "I don't mind being with God's animals. I will sleep in the barn."



An hour later, there's a knock on the guest room door.



It's the preacher. He says, "I can't stand that noisy chicken. Could I switch with one of you?"



The redneck says, "There are always loud animals back in Alabama I can take it."



An hour later, there's a knock on the guest room door.



It's the redneck. He says, "I can't stand that smelly cow! Could I switch with one of you?"



The lawyer says, "Well, I guess that leaves me."



An hour later, there's a knock on the door. It's the chicken and the cow.

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