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Lawyer Jokes on Lipy


A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.



A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"


Two small county judges both got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state Supreme Court for a visiting judge, each agreed to hear the other's case.



The first judge took the bench while the second stood at the defendant's table, and admitted his guilt. The sentencing judge immediately suspended both the fine and costs.



They switched places. The second judge admitted that he was speeding, too. Thereupon the first judge immediately fined him $250 and ordered him to pay court costs.



The second judge was furious. "I suspended your fine and costs, but you threw the book at me!" he fumed.



The first judge looked at him and replied, "This is the second such case we've had in here today. Someone has to get tough about all this speeding!"


The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"



The student replied, "Here's an orange."



The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"



The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"

Ek aurat apne bachche ko liye ro rahi thi.

Ek vakil ne rone ki wajah puchi, toh us aurat ne kaha ki mera beta bimaar hai or dawa ke liye paise nahin hain.

vakil ne us aurat ko 1000 ka note dia aur kaha ki jao dawa le lo, Rs 100 ka doodh bhi le lena, baaki paise mujhe wapis de dena.

Aurat thodi der baad dawa aur dudh le aayi aur baaki Rs 650 vakil ko wapas kar diye.

vakil khush hua aur sochne laga ke Neki kabhi zaya nahi jati, Doctor ko fees mil gayi, bachche ko dawa mil gai aur......mera nakli note bhi chal gaya !!!

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: \"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?\" the minister asked.

\"Try to fix it if it\'s big; ignore it if it\'s insignificant,\" replied the lawyer.

\"What do you do?\"

The minister replied, \"Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say, \'The devil is the father of liars,\' but instead I said \'The devil is the father of lawyers,\' so I let it go.\"

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