Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 - 18 year olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
"Are you ok?" she asks.
"Yes," he replies. "You can go and play with the other kids, you know," she says.
"It's best I stay here," he says.
"Why's that, sweetie?" asks the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says, "Because I'm the GOAL KEEPER !"
The boys had been up in the attic together helping with some cleaning. The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked her, "Hey Mom, what's this?"
"Oh, that's an old typewriter," she answered, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.
"Well, what does it do?" they queried.
"I'll show you," she said and returned with a blank piece of paper. She rolled the paper into the typewriter and began striking the keys, leaving black letters of print on the page.
"WOW!" they exclaimed, "That's really cool. But how does it work like that? Where do you plug it in?"
"There is no plug," she answered. "It doesn't need a plug."
"Then where do you put the batteries?" they persisted.
"It doesn't need batteries either," she continued.
"Wow! This is so cool!" they exclaimed. "Someone should have invented this a long time ago!"
Little Lipy was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt.
Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
The next day, the pastor was over at Lipy's family's house for lunch.
He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Lipy immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
A girl was crying bitterly.
Mom: What happened dear?
Daughter: Mom do I look like a wicked witch?
Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad?
Daughter: Is my nose flat?
Mom: No baby!
Daughter: Am I fat like a bulldog?
Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a barbie doll!
Daughter: Then why people tell me that you look like your mom?