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Hilarious Jokes on Lipy - Page 5


Check your presence of mind. Take the test.



Relax, clear your mind and begin, what's the 1st answer that comes to your mind???



Question 1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: Bread. If you said Toast, give up now and do something else... Try not to hurt yourself. If you said bread, go to Question 2.



Question 2. Say 'Silk' five times. Now spell 'Silk.' What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'Milk,' don't attempt the next question.

Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself by reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said 'Water,' proceed to question 3...



Question 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'Green Bricks,' why the hell are you still reading these??? If you said 'Glass,' go on to Question 4.



Question 4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane crashes from 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into East and West Germany) Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, 'No man's land'???

Answer: You don't bury survivors!!! If you said ANYTHING else, you must stop. If you said, 'You don't bury survivors,' proceed to the next question.



Question 5. Please don't use a calculator - You are driving a bus from Mumbai to Pune. In Mumbai , 17 people get on, in Pune, 16 get off. Name the driver. Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!!


The female brain works on a different tangent than male.



Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about life. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.



I told her, "Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state, I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive. I'd much rather die!"



My wife got up from the sofa with a real look of admiration towards me & proceeded to disconnect the Cable TV & DVD, then the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, gin & vodka and the beer from the fridge...


It was their first quarrel. Mulla Nasruddin was coming off worst until he brought his bride's family into the argument.



"Your father is an old drunkard," he stated with venom. "Your mother is a nagger, and your brother is an idle layabout."



"Can't you say one decent thing about my family?" she asked, sarcastically.



"YES, JUST ONE," replied Nasruddin. "THEY WERE ALL OPPOSED TO OUR MARRIAGE."


A kindergarten teacher is having her birthday and three of her students decided to bring her a gift.



The first students was little Timmy and his dad owned a Candy Store. Timmy walked up to his teacher and handed her a nice little gift wrapped box. The teacher thanked the student and told him, she wanted to see if she could guess what was in the box. The little boy excitedly agreed and after about twenty seconds the teacher said, "Is it candy!?" - The little boy surprisingly and a little disappointed walked back to his desk.



The second student was Taylor and her dad owned a kitchen appliance store. She walked up to her teacher with a fancily wrapped box about the size of a Football. The teacher took the box and asked if she could try to guess what was in the box - Taylor excitedly agreed and handed the package over to her teacher. The teacher stood there thinking for about forty five seconds then said, “Is it a Toaster!?” – The little girl was surprised and asked the teacher how she knew. The teacher smiled wide, thanked the student, and Taylor returned to her desk.



The third student was Sarah and her dad owned a winery. She walked up to the teacher with a box that was a little bigger than the teacher was expecting. The teacher smiled and asked if she could guess what was in the box. Sarah happily agreed, and handed over the box to her teacher. At this point, the entire classroom wanted to know if the teacher was going to get it right. The teacher started thinking, - the box felt a little lopsided, but she figured the gift just hadn’t been packaged well. After about a minute the teacher noticed little yellow drops coming from the side of the box. The teacher excitedly said, “Is it wine!?” and proceeded to taste some of the dripping liquid. The student smiled, and said, “No It’s a puppy!”


Two cowboys are riding along when they spot an indian lying on the ground in the distance.



The first cowboy turns to the second and says "what the hell do you think he is doing?".



The second cowboy turns to him and says "he is listening.



You see these here indian fellers put an ear to the ground so they know what is going on for miles around". "No way, you are lying!" responds the first cowboy.



So the two cowboys ride up and the second cowboy says "listen to what he says". The indian lifts his head, points north and says "Covered wagon, pulled with four horses, with a family of six inside and all of their belongings, 2 miles that way".



"WHAT! That's amazing!" shouts the first cowboy "How did you do that?!?". The indian lifts his head and says "sons-of-b*****s ran me over about 20 minutes ago!".

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