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God Jokes on Lipy - Page 4

Mom and 7 year old son went to the Temple...

*At the entrance*

Son: Look mom, a cow! Can we milk it.
Mom (Giggles): Its only a statue

Son: Look mom, a tiger! Will it attack us?!
Mom (Smiling): No beta! Its a statue.

Son: Look mom, A dragon! Will it spit fire!!
Mom: No, its only a statue...

*IN the Temple*

Mom: Look son, there is God, he is the bringer of good fortune and he will help you in life, bow down to show some respect to him.

Son: Its only a statue..

A man dies.

In heaven he sees a large Wall full of Clocks

He asks angel : What are these for ?

Angel answer : These are Lie Clocks,

every person has lie clock!

Whenever u lie on earth, clock moves.

The man points towards a clock and asks : Whose clock is this ?

Angel says : its Mother Teresa's. It never moved,showing that she never told lie.

The man asks : Where is Indian Politician's clock ?

Angel replies : That's in our office...we use it as TABLE FAN !!

1st Aadmi : Bhagwan main doctor hoon aur maine logo ki bahot sewa ki hai mujhe swarg mein aane do.

Bhawan: Nahi tum andar nahi aa sakte.

2nd Aadmi: Bhagwan main Brahmin hoon aur maine sari zindagi aapki pooja ki hai mujhe swarg mein aane do.

Bhagwan : Nahi tum bhi andar nahi aa sakte.

3rd Aadmi: Prabhu main shaadi shuda hoon.

Bhagwaan: Bas kar pagle rulayega kya, chal andar swarg mein aaja.

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.

During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams."

A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Low and behold! It's like a completely different place - the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows.

"Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together."

"Yes, Reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone."

A man walking along a goa beach was deep in prayer.

Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Mumbai so I can drive over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?”

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