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Friends Jokes on Lipy - Page 5


Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.



One man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.



To show off, the engineer called to his dog. “T-square, do your stuff.” T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.





Everyone agreed that that that was pretty smart.



The accountant said that his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said,”Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each.



Everyone agreed that that was good.



The chemist said that his dog could do better still.he called to his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop.



Everyone agreed that that was pretty impressive.



Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, “What can your dog do?”



The government worker called to his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker’ compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.



They all agreed that that was brilliant!



A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.



The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.



The wife cried, “What are we going to do?“



“Nothing,” said the hunter husband. “The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”



A – U’r Attractive

B – U’r D Best

C – U’r Cute

D – U’r Dear 2 me

E – U’r Excellent

F – U’r Funny

G – U’r Gud Looking

H – U’r Hardworking

I – I’m J – Just K – Kidding


My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access Google, and we told her it could answer any question she had.



Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom."



"Think of something to ask it."



As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"


A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.



Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"



Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"



Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A"



Professor: "Hmmmm, all right. So what's the question?"



Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"



The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.



The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"



To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.



"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer.



"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."

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