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Friends Jokes on Lipy - Page 2

Today my Wi-Fi Suddenly Stopped Working..

Then I Realized that my Neighbors haven't paid the bill..
How irresponsible they are

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her."

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Scotland immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife, "Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."

'Agar tum sab ne 2-2 ande nahi diye to tum sub ko kaat dunga...'

Agli subah sab ne 2-2 ande diye, magar 1 ne 1 anda diya...

Malik: Tum ne 1 anda kyun diya.

Usne kaha,"abe kaminey..... woh toh katne ke darr se de diya...... warna main toh Murga hun !!

Story of MATH ......
.
.
Aaj se 300 saal pehle MATH bohot masoom aur pyara tha.

Ek din kuch badmash students ne MATH ko bohot mara yahan tak ki Math ki aakhri Sans thi
marte marte sab students ko badua de gyi.
Aur

Ye keh ker is dunia se chala gya k mein to ja raha hoon lekin MATHS
.
M = Meri
A = Aatma
T = Tumhe
H = Hamesha
S = Satayegi

Aaj bhi math ki aatma bhatak rahi hai aur saare students ko sata rahi hai aur hamesha satati rahegi !!

A letter from a guy to Agony Aunt:

Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer ???

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