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Fat Jokes on Lipy

You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'.


Fat guy : What are you looking at?



Me: The reason double doors were invented.

Operator: Hello Domino's!

Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?

Operator: Can I have your multi purpose Aadhar card number first, Sir?

Customer: Yeah! Hold on..... My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610

Operator: OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from you home number now.

Customer: (Astonished) How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator: We are connected to the system, Sir.

Customer: I wish to order your Seafood Pizza...

Operator: That's not a good idea Sir.

Customer: How come?

Operator: According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.

Customer: What?... What do you recommend then?

Operator: Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.

Customer: How do you know for sure?

Operator: You borrowed a book titled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, sir.

Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then.

Operator: That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.

Customer: Can I pay by credit card?

Operator: I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs. 1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.

Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.

Operator: You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've exhausted even your overdraft limit.

Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?

Operator: About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.

Customer: What?

Operator: According to the details in the system , you own a motorcycle registration number 1123.

Customer: "????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)

Operator: Is there anything else, sir?

Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?

Operator: We normally would sir, but based on your records, you're also diabetic... In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you.

Customer: (now pissed) ***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))

Operator: Better mind your language sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were imprisoned for 2 months and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman...?

Customer faints...


A family is driving in their car on holidays. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.



The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.



The man says, "Please make my dog win the next dog race."



The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps out of the car. The frog notices that the dog only has three legs, it very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfil his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.



The man says, "Well, then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area. The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.



Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.



The frog turns to the man and says, "Could I please have another look at the dog?"


Yo mama's so fat, she was attacked by Japanese military, they thought she was Godzilla's wife.

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