A visitor to Santa, "Which is Mr Banta's flat?"
Santa: Please come with me.
The visitor is taken on stairs to the 3rd floor.
The visitor rings the bell and there is no response. He rings it again and again and still no one answers.
Visitor: I think he is not in.
Santa: Yeah, he has gone out. He'll be back in the evening!
A young man asked a rich old man how he made his money.
The old guy said: Son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression I was down to my last nickel. I invested that in an apple and spent the entire day polishing it. At the end of the day, I sold the apple for 10 cents!
The next day, I invested those 10 cents in 2 apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents.
I continued this 4 a month. By the end of which I had accumulated a fortune of $.1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us 2 Million Dollars...!
MORAL: Hard Work Is Just Shit. Find A Chick Whose Father Is Rich.
In prison: You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
At work: You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
In prison: You get three meals a day.
At work: You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison: You get time off for good behavior.
At work: You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison: A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work: You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison: You can watch TV and play games.
At work: You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison: You get your own toilet.
At work: You have to share.
In prison: They allow your family and friends to visit.
At work: You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison: All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At work: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.
In prison: You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
At work: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
In prison: There are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work: They are called supervisors.
In prison: You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
At work: You get fired if you get caught.
One day a priest was playing baseball. A nun was cheerleading near first base. The priest was up to bat. The pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said, \"Dammit! I missed!\"
\"Don\'t you say that mister or God will strike you with a bolt of lightning,\" the nun said.
Again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said, \"Dammit! I missed!\"
\"If you say that one more time mister, God will strike you with a bolt of lightning,\" the nun said.
Once again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said, \"Dammit! I missed!\"
A bolt of lightning strikes the nun and God says, \"Dammit! I missed!\"
The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap.
Santa doesn\'t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, \"What do you want for Christmas?\"
\"Something for my mother, please.\" said the young lady.
\"Something for your mother? Well, that\'s very thoughtful of you,\'\' smiled Santa. \"What do you want me to bring her? \"
Without blinking she replied, \"A son-in-law!\"