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Confusion Jokes on Lipy - Page 3


A young boy from Pune goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money he calls home.



"Pita ji," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad (IIMA) that will teach our dog, Moti, how to talk!"



"That's amazing," his father says. "How do I get Moti in that program?"



"Just send him down here with Rs. 1,00,000" the young boy says "and I'll get him in the course."



So, his father sends the dog and Rs. 1,00,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.



"So how's Moti doing son?" his father asks.



"Awesome, Pita ji, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"



"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Moti in that program?"



"Just send Rs 2,00,000, I'll get him in the class."



The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.



"Where's Moti? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"



"Pita ji," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Moti was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading The Economic Times, like he usually does. Then Moti turned to me and asked, so, is your father still messing around with that little pretty Champa who lives down the street?"



The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"



"I sure did, Pita ji!"



"That's my boy!"



The kid went on to law school, and now serves in New Delhi as a Member of Parliament.


Teacher: Kaun si chidiya sabse fast urti hai...........??



Student: Mam, Haathi !!



Teacher: Nalayak!!! Tera baap kya karta hai.......??



Student: Ji woh Al Qaida mein aatankwadi ka kaam karte hai !!!



Teacher: Shabash beta! Likho bacchon, answer likho, HAATHI.


Which is the most dangerous Alphabet?

Answer is 'W'.

All the worries get initiated with 'W'...

Who

Why

What

When

Which

Whom

Where

War

Wine

Whisky

Wealth

Work

Worries

Woman

& finally, believe it or not WIFE.



And the most dangerous question coming from W (wife).

Woh kaun thi ?



All the major things a (W)oman needs in her lifetime start with the Letter 'M'?

Man.

Money.

Make-Up.

Motor Car.

Movies.

Masti.

Mall.

Last but not the least....the 2 most important......

Maid & Maaikewaale.


Santa walked into a bar one evening, sat down and said, "Bar man, give me 1 bottle of beer, and give everybody here 2 bottles. As I am drinking, let them be drinking."



The bar man obeyed. Everybody hailed Santa.



As they were all drinking, Santa said, "Bar man, give me 1 bowl of chicken soup, and give everybody here 2 bowls of chicken soup each, as I am eating, let them be eating."



The bar man obeyed. Everybody praised Santa.



Minutes later, Santa said, "Bar man, bring me my bill, and bring everybody their bill, as I am paying, let them be paying."


The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she mwould write notes when she needed to communicate.



After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right side.



A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left side.



Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.



A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"



Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew: "Bastards won't let me fart...!"

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