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Confusion Jokes on Lipy - Page 2


In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in the highest esteem.



One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?"



"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."



"Triple filter?"



"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is absolutely true?"



"No," the man said, "I actually just heard about it and..."



"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"



"No, on the contrary..."



"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"



"No, not really."



"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"



This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that his best friend was having a secret affair with his wife.


Two cowboys are riding along when they spot an indian lying on the ground in the distance.



The first cowboy turns to the second and says "what the hell do you think he is doing?".



The second cowboy turns to him and says "he is listening.



You see these here indian fellers put an ear to the ground so they know what is going on for miles around". "No way, you are lying!" responds the first cowboy.



So the two cowboys ride up and the second cowboy says "listen to what he says". The indian lifts his head, points north and says "Covered wagon, pulled with four horses, with a family of six inside and all of their belongings, 2 miles that way".



"WHAT! That's amazing!" shouts the first cowboy "How did you do that?!?". The indian lifts his head and says "sons-of-b*****s ran me over about 20 minutes ago!".


A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend.



Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken, which he could purchase for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it has been broken in transit.



In due time, he received an acknowledgement:



"Thanks for the vase," it read. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."


Little Lipy was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt.



Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."



The next day, the pastor was over at Lipy's family's house for lunch.



He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Lipy immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."


At a party, the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments. She was sure that not all of these had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers.



Then her husband got an idea. He turned to the crowd of the guests and said, "Will everyone from the bride's side of the family stand up please?" About 20 people stood.



Then he asked, "Will everyone from the groom's side of the family stand up please?"



About 25 people stood up.



Then he smiled and said, "Will everyone who stood please LEAVE... This is a 'Birthday Party'!!!"

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