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Celebrity Jokes on Lipy - Page 2

Why did Newton committed suicide?

We all know Sir Isaac Newton, the man behind the laws of Physics and truly a scientist extraordinaire!! But you know what the universal laws of Physics were proven wrong and Newton was greatly disappointed.

Here's the reason why Newton committed suicide…..
Once, Newton had come to India and he had watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. Here is how he was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk.

In the movie of Rajnikant, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes:
1) Rajnikant has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajnikant is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajnikant!

2) In another movie, Rajnikant is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajnikant has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajnikant is chased by a gangster. Rajnikant has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajnikant opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang… the gangster dies…

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics!! The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives.
Rajnikant gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajnikant can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajnikant has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.

(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)
Rajnikant suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton finally commits suicide…
Words are not enough to embellish the glory of Rajnikant, because there's nothing Rajnikant can't do!! So…MIND ITtt!!

An Afghan, upon landing at Islamabad Airport, introduced himself to a Pakistan Immigration Officer, as an Ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan.

The Pakistani Officer was surprised, and asked, "But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping?

The Afghan replied, You crazy bugger, don't you have a Minister for Law & Justice in Pakistan ?

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.

Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"

James Bond: "My name is Bond' Continuing in his inimitable style.....James Bond."

Then Bond asks: "And you?

Telugu Guy: "My name is Rao...

"Siva Rao...

"Samba Siva Rao...

"Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

"Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

"Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

"Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

"Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says 'James Bond'

Dad: "I Want you to marry a girl of my choice."

Son: "No."

Dad: "But the girl is bill Gates` daughter."

Son: "Ok, I am ready to marry."

Dad Goes to Bill Gates.

Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son."

Bill Gates: "No"

Dad: "My son is the CEO of The World Bank."

Bill Gates: "Then Ok"

Dad goes to the President of the World Bank.

Dad: "Appoint my Son as the CEO of your Bank."

President: "No!"

Dad: "He is Son-In-Law of Bill Gates."

President: "Then Ok!"

This is called Pure Business.

5 things American Movies Teach Us:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote Basketball/Baseball.

4. Aliens have special interest in attacking the U.S.

5. U.S. is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like werewolves & vampires.

5 things Indian Movies teach us:

1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.

2. While defusing a bomb, don't worry, whichever wire you cut... you always choose the right one".

3. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up; but will show pain when a girl cleans up his wounds.

4. A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty.

The most hilarious one...

5. If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps.

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