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Animal Jokes on Lipy - Page 4

Santa travelling by train to Mumbai and was tearing bits out of a newspaper, rolling them into small balls and then chucking them out of the window.

Perplexed co-passenger: Why are you doing this?

Santa: To keep away the elephants.

Co-passenger: But there aren't any elephant around!

Santa: I know. Very effective, isn't it!

An Indian goes to Walmart in the U.S. He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy might not have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food.

The Indian goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out...

The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy may have a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog food to his kids. He asks the Indian to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food.

The Indian goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

The following week the Indian comes to Walmart with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and immediately pulls it out...!!!

He shouts at the Indian, \"What the hell...!!! This is shit, you Idiot...!!!???\"

The Indian calmly replies, \"Yes, now may I buy some toilet paper...???\"

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Tortoise and a Rabbit wrote an entrance exam,Tortoise got 80%, Rabbit got 81%.

Both went 4 admission to an engineering college,

Cut off needed was 85%

Rabbit didn't get admission ,but the tortoise got admission.


U remember when we were in the 1st std the tortoise won a race.

Sports quota 5% marks extra

tortoise rocks.....U r shocked..

An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years. He had a huge man-made pond out back with a beautiful picnic area. For years it was the perfect place to unwind or hold a family get together. As the farmer grew older, his "Oasis" was used less and less. It eventually became the local swimming hole and while his neighbors occasionally took advantage of the pond, he rarely made an appearence.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond. He hadn't been there in a while and felt the urge to pay a visit to check on things. As he neared the pond, he heard loud playful voices giggling and laughing. As he came closer he was astonished to see that a bunch of young women had decided to skinny dip in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I'm here to feed the alligator."

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