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Most Popular Jokes on Lipy - Page 2
A woman runs into a doctor's office and says "DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!"

The doctor replied, "Show me."

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, "That's enough, let me think this over." He thought for about a minute and said "I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger."


This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.



When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi.



As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is Heaven."



Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course in the backyard. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth.



The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?"



Peter's reply, "This is Heaven -- you play for free."



Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.



"How much to eat?" asked the old man.



"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it's FREE!" Peter replied with some exasperation.



"Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.



Peter lectured, "That's the best part -- you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."



With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly.



Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!"

Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped them, they'd break.


May I take your order?" the blonde waitress asked. "Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" "Nothing special sir," she replied, "we just tell them straight out that theyre going to die." 


This blonde calls me and says, "What's your phone number? I cant find it!"

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Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts
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I could have been here 10 years ago
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Why do hens lay eggs
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How do you prepare your chickens
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This blonde calls me
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